Immature

When a child, I sat in sunshine
In summer, blowing afros off dandelions
Leaning back to warm blue sky
Tracing love in wisps of cloud
Listening to leaves whisper softly
An elbow in preening grass
Smiling at flickering butterflies…

Inhaled knowing someday you in my arms
Would feel just like this

And it did
Venetian night, fireworks in our eyes
Hugging you from behind
Feeling so good, I loved you all over again
A dream
Believing very quietly, you
My wife

Looking at me you masturbated
Rushing to come when you could wait no more
Because I had always wanted you
I let you

Holding back painfully, I gave myself
Both of us in jeopardy
Knowing the enormity of my weight
How that might bear upon you
But you begged me with words of love
Speaking its power
Secretly knowing you did not fully understand your words
I resisted and listened and gave in
Agreeing when I could bear no more waiting
The profundity of which you missed

Happy thoughts
You achieved knowing little about what you asked for
Insisting otherwise, I showed you, discovering so much
You had no context for

You could not listen, ears trained to
Tune to certain frequencies
And I could no longer speak
In that frequency I determined
Long ago was of no use to me

So you never loved my heartbeat, or the rise and fall of my chest
Paid attention to how eye saw you
Knew anything of the words
Mouth strained for you
Never knew how exciting it could be to swim naked in my spirituality
No one told you such a thing was possible
So you looked straight through a brand new world
Seeing nothing right in front of you
How can I give you what you cannot receive?

I often weep angrily
For as much as I want to give to you
You are innocent of its meaning
Cannot miss it
Cannot care
Leaving me
Nowhere